Desiring God

In my recent journaling, I was pondering about what pleases God. Reading the Bible and praying are really important, but I have struggled lately with the feeling that I have to do these things in order to be close to God, and then when I actually do them, I feel miles away from him. I need people like Blanche and Kathy to remind me that God wants me (not me trying to be perfect, although I guess that is still me) and if I am only reading and praying so I can be "spiritual" or be what I think I am suppose to be as a Christian, God could care less if I never read my Bible or pray again. I want to be spiritual but he wants me to desire him, which may be the same thing but I tend to separate them. So even things like telling him what a great job he did with the sunset, confessing to him that I like to sin, crying over his unbridled grace, these please him because it's me desiring him. I imagine hunger never follows obligations or check lists. Drat. I like lists. I had a funny image in my head this morning at church (I did listen to most of the sermon) of someone sitting down with a friend and pulling out a check list of things to accomplish during their time together. No one would really enjoy that, even me (at least not consistently). But I do approach God like that sometimes. I think He might laugh at me a lot, but not in a you-are-stupid-why-are-you-doing-that way. I imagine he might ask me a question about what my favorite flower and I look confused and respond, "Um, that's not on the list". Or we are walking together down the road and I am pulling my heavy loaded cart and he non-challantly says,"Hey, I can carry that", and I respond out of breath, "No, it's ok, I've got it". I decided just now that I would rather just be with him, whether we talk or not, and also I would like to give him my load and then we can laugh together about how I accidently stuck my hand in gecko poop today (because I did), or we can carry on about how amazing the fall leaves are in Nebraska (because they are), or we could remember that time...

I realize that this post gives no insight into what is happening in Cambodia but it does give some insight into what is happening in me. God is present and active in both places, so stay tuned. =)